Day 163

          The universe has seen fit to wake me up at 4:30 AM. I'm assuming so that it's so I can study for my tests today. So instead of going back to sleep like I normally do, I got up, did yoga, got ready. Now, I'm eating my breakfast and studying. I will probably go to school early too, so that I can study in peace without my dogs trying to play with me. I love them, but I need to do well on all of my tests so that I can pass my class. I've managed to stick to my morning and evening routines, and they're making the rest of my life much easier...now all I have to do is make them a habit.
          Speaking of habits, I find myself finally breaking an old habit of mine, trichotillomania on the a self harm level (I have scars). For those who don't know what trichotillomania is, it's a Obsessive Compulsive Disorder tic that involves pulling out ones hair. I've had it since 5th grade, and while it's not completely gone, my skin looks so much better. I have received treatment for my OCD, and taken many an antidepressant, however, the thing that has helped me the most has been anorexia community. I also struggled with anorexia when I was young, I was able to over come the eating part of the disorder but the mental obsession with food has ruled my life until recently. The "self love" aka "body love" movement is an excellent one, and I encourage anyone who has issues with body image (i.g. thinking you're fat, thinking you're ugly, thinking you're too scrawny) to start seeking treatment. I don't have health insurance, so I follow recovery blogs on Tumblr. I still find myself picking if I'm excessively stressed, but last semester my skin was a mess around finals time...now, I just might be able to wear short sleeved and sleeveless shirts this summer. Self hate is a disease that needs treatment one way or another, do not be afraid to seek treatment. And while it's kind for friends to compliment you, if they ignore that you're trying to tell them you need help, they're not really you're friends. However, it might help for you to start looking at stuff on your own, then when you're ready, seek treatment. I'm very lucky that I have good friends.

Lesson:

Love your body, no matter what condition it's in.

Tara Lynn Size 16US/48UK