Day 132

          I'm not really sure why, but I view naps as a sign of weakness. It hasn't been until recently that I've realized napping has absolutely no affect on how I sleep at night. I already have insomnia, it's not like taking a nap during the day is going to make me sleep any less. So where does my loathing of naps come from? I'm not really sure, but I intend to retake nap time. Not only do I have insomnia, but I also have chronic fatigue syndrome. While several people might use this to get disability, I don't want to. I want to be known for being a productive person. I will not leech of society just so I can be lazy. I think that's my biggest fear. Many people cannot tell that I suffer from several chronic conditions, and because they cannot see it, they do not believe it. This goes back to my worrisome self worrying about how other see me. No more, I have to take care of my body. If I need a nap, I will take one. It does not make me any less of a person, nor does it make me weak. I just have an understanding of what my body needs to run at full capacity. I need to give my body fuel to run on, and if that means taking a nap...so be it.

Lesson:

Naps are not evil, nor are they a sign of weakness. Take them.

Day 131

     So much clutter is gone. You can even see the floor to my closet. I'm actually happy today, as I was yesterday, and I realize that I am very uncomfortable being happy. I have no idea how to handle this. How silly is that? I don't know how to handle my own happiness. It's okay, though. I am learning as I go. I don't plan on letting this go anytime soon. I'll just have to get used to my own happiness. I think a lot of it has to do with my doing yoga. I am making an effort to  do it about 4 times a week, walking on the other days. I know that working out increases serotonin which helps fight depression, fibromayalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome  as well as the effects of arthritis (all of which I have), but each and every one of those things make it difficult to get out of bed in the morning. Now, however, I have some momentum, and I want to keep it up. I've realized that I let these diseases and my stress get in the way of my productiveness, because I fear what I will become. I fear the me that isn't hindered by anything, that is truly me. Well, I'm ready to meet me...to be me. Well, now I'm off to be productive today as well! Have an excellent day!

Lesson:

I seriously have to stop  standing in my own way to discovering my true self.