Day 116

          I'm avoiding anything of importance. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure it's because I am afraid I'm going to mess something up. I feel as though this fear is based in a society where getting it "right" is a big deal.  If you are wrong, you are bad. Nobody wants to be bad. I need to take all of this stuff I need to get done one step at a time, and allow myself breaks so I don't overwhelm myself. I must be kind and gentle, as I would be with a child. I can't let my fear of doing something "wrong" hold me back from living my life. I feel like once I take care of the things that seems to daunting now, I  might feel better. I know I'm avoiding certain things, important things. I always find a way to avoid them. I'm very good at it. I will fix this though. I will take baby steps towards my goal of being worry free, a little one each day will make my life better. I can just feel it!

Lesson:

Doing a little bit each day to chip away at daunting problems will leave you with a work of art called "life."

Day 70

     The first day of school. Intense. I've already taken several pages of notes in Anatomy & Physiology II as well as having to survive my Composition II and American Government classes. This is all so incredibly overwhelming. I am afraid. Will I be able to keep up with everything? How will I survive? I keep telling myself one step at a time, but I feel like there is this voice inside me screaming that I can't do this, I can't do anything. Why do I have so much self doubt. I always try to figure out what I am afraid of and talk myself down. But now, I am not sure which I am afraid of more, failure of success. I have never really been successful in my life and it is a new and frightening idea to believe that I might actually achieve my dreams. There is so much fear...and so much doubt. I feel paralyzed by it. How do I cope? I don't suppose I do, I get up in the morning and I do what needs to be done, but I have never really come to terms what is happening in my life. There is no acceptance, only survival. I don't want to live this way, but I'm not sure how to change this.

Lesson:

Do you fear failure, or do you fear success? Really think about it. The answer may surprise you.

Day 61

          A good start to your day can make even the hardest day better. Today wasn't particularly hard, I worked a double, which is good because I need the money, but since starting my internship I realize how menial my current jobs are. They pay, and I am grateful for that, however, they are incredibly simple. I look forward to the day that I only work one job, one that challenges me and allows for personal growth and achievement. However, I am where I need to be right now. Back to the good start. I am trying to figure out a way to have a good start to everyday. Breakfast and prayer are a start, but I can't wake up and make blueberry pancakes, bacon, and eggs for someone I care about every morning (despite how nice that would be). I want to get to a place where every morning is a good morning, because my mornings tend to set the tone for my day. There are always exceptions to the rules, but it does seem to be generally true. So, a new mini mission of mine is to find the best start to my day that I can.

Lesson:

Do your best to start the day off well, and the rest of the day will tend to follow.