Day 70

     The first day of school. Intense. I've already taken several pages of notes in Anatomy & Physiology II as well as having to survive my Composition II and American Government classes. This is all so incredibly overwhelming. I am afraid. Will I be able to keep up with everything? How will I survive? I keep telling myself one step at a time, but I feel like there is this voice inside me screaming that I can't do this, I can't do anything. Why do I have so much self doubt. I always try to figure out what I am afraid of and talk myself down. But now, I am not sure which I am afraid of more, failure of success. I have never really been successful in my life and it is a new and frightening idea to believe that I might actually achieve my dreams. There is so much fear...and so much doubt. I feel paralyzed by it. How do I cope? I don't suppose I do, I get up in the morning and I do what needs to be done, but I have never really come to terms what is happening in my life. There is no acceptance, only survival. I don't want to live this way, but I'm not sure how to change this.

Lesson:

Do you fear failure, or do you fear success? Really think about it. The answer may surprise you.