Day 8

         I am truly amazed at how much emotional muck can surface when one faces everything that has been ignored. I knew something was wrong all day, but I did my best to carry on. And then, finally, I wept. I am so mad. I should be spending Thanksgiving with my husband, instead, I am spending it with a family I don't know (though I am still grateful they are allowing me to attend). I am so angry that I have to rebuild my life...again. He just gave up. He couldn't work at it. I feel abandoned.  Unlovable.
          Since he left me, I have been in survival mode. But this process I have started is forcing me to grow, to change, and to let go. What's done is done. I cannot change his actions nor mine. So I must continue on. I must make the most of what I have, and know that there is a beautiful, rich, and happy life ahead.
          Tuesday I sold a couple of rings of mine. On my way to get them appraised I thought to myself, "I only need $200 for them. If I get more, I'll be happy, but I need at least $200." I got exactly $200 for them. While telling my mother about this (I am so lucky to have such a good relationship with her), I realized that I had told the Universe that I wanted to renew my faith in Love in exactly one year. Now, it is as if the Universe has accepted my premise and as long as I keep my eyes, ears, mind, and soul open I will get a new lesson everyday. This lesson is never more than I can handle, but it is always enough to make me feel uncomfortable, to push my boundaries. The Universe does provide.
          This is my life. I am living it right now. I cannot wait for the perfect moment to start. It must start now. I must live here and I must be here so that I may love here.

Lesson:
We all bury emotions and memories to survive. But eventually we must face these so that we may let go. For we must let go in order to live....in order to love.