Day 66

          Today, I was not nearly as productive as yesterday. I have been seeking the root of my depression. I know most of it is just a chemical imbalance in my brain, but then I really look at my life it's hard not to see everything that has lead me to this moment. The most devastating is losing my child and my husband thereafter. I have watched several movies and read many books that have touched on the subject of miscarriage. None of them do the pain justice. I know many of my friends have gotten annoyed with me...lingering on the subject. They wonder why I just can't get over it. Some of them have dealt with it. All I can say is that every person is different, every person deals with pain differently. I have so much guilt since that day. I always feel like it's my fault. Just like I feel like Michael leaving me was my fault. I get depressed, it takes me a long time to pull myself out. I am like two different people. I know this about myself, I'm not really sure how to change it, or if I should. Would I be denying who I am, or would I be changing for the better?

Lesson:

There is not always a clear answer.