Day 73

          What is passion? How can it be different than obsession, just general fondness? Passion is something that takes your breath away. It can be good, it can be evil, but passion is what makes life worth living. It's what makes you move forward when you are afraid, it is the quiet voice in your heart that tells you to take the risk. I feel like Americans have been trapped by their Puritan background, we lost the definition of passion. We have, instead, replaced it with obsession, this unhealthy yearning to fill a hole in our hearts. That hole is only there because we lack passion, and fear it. It seems we are afraid of the power passion holds. We fear the loss of control, we chose our obsessions we tell ourselves, that we can stop at any time. Passion is courageous, unbridled by any man made concept. It merely is...and I think that is what frightens us the most. It is. We question so much, and all must have a purpose. Even our vacations have the purpose of getting away. I propose that we learn our passions and follow them blindly. I feel as this may be the only true path to happiness.

Lesson:

Find your passion and follow it.

Day 65

           I can tell I'm avoiding something deeper...I'm cleaning again. On the bright side, I took care of a lot of clutter. I guess it's a positive/productive way to avoid something. I know that I am avoiding emailing my program director for my internship, because I can't think of what to say. I'm also avoid delving deeper into why I am depressed...although, I'm pretty sure it's because I'm lonely and we're coming up on February. To anyone who doesn't know me, I found out two years ago that I had miscarried on February 1st. I already had bad luck when it came to that month, so the miscarriage didn't help. Now, just before February hits I fall into a deep depression, last year it required medication...this year I don't have insurance, so I don't have a choice but to make it through somehow. I refuse to give up, I refuse to back down.

Lesson:

Sometimes we avoid thing. It is inevitable. So, we might as well make ourselves productive while we're at it.

His mustache makes me smile...a lot.

Day 64

          I feel like all I do these days is work and sleep. That I have lost all sense of who I am. That I have lost all sense of purpose. Yet, I feel like the old saying is true. It is always darkest before the dawn. I plan to live a full and happy life, so this is only the darkness before the dawn. I feel like if I have faith and continue forward that I will soon leave this darkness behind. I don't really know where I got this hope from...do all people have it? Is it just a select few? Who are we that we never lose hope. I have been discouraged several times, but I have never given up hop. I have always found a way to move forward, even when life has brought me to my knees. What is it that gives me hope? Or is it hope at all? What if it is sheer stubbornness ..I wouldn't put it past me. Either way, I must continue.

Lesson:

It doesn't really matter why you continue, just as long as you do.